My partner is clinging. What can I do?

Introduccion

There is nothing better than being newly in love and enjoying your relationship to the full. The balance between experiencing the relationship as a unit and freedom as an independent individual plays a major role here.

One partner has a greater desire for closeness and commitment than the other. That’s perfectly fine as long as it’s not a problem for either of them and both agree to give in to the other’s desire for freedom.

However, if one partner is clingy, it can quickly happen that the other feels restricted in the relationship. It is important to walk the tightrope between closeness and distance and to pay attention to the needs of both partners.

How can I tell that my partner is clinging?

• If he or she gets nervous if you don’t respond to his or her message immediately
• Is there stress if you want to do something on your own
• If you need some distance, the other person feels rejected or is afraid that the relationship is over
• The partner only wants to do things together and does not develop any initiative of their own (only “we” instead of sometimes “I”)
• Your partner is only fixated on you
• Friends, family and hobbies take a back seat
• There are accusations like: “I’m no longer important to you”, “Others are more important to you than me”

The problem with this is that instead of getting closer to their partner, they always keep their distance because they feel constricted by the embrace – and withdraw more and more. Practically like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

What are the causes when your partner clings

1. Bad experiences in previous relationships
2. Separation anxiety, fear of abandonment
3. Jealousy
4. Lack of self-esteem
5. Few or no social contacts with friends, family
6. The partner defines himself through the attention he receives
7. Emotional dependence

You can find out how you can emerge from the situation stronger together and further strengthen your relationship here:

Tips when your partner clings

1. Address the topic gently and show understanding

Your partner may not even be aware that they are clinging. In any case, it’s important to address the issue – calmly. Explain how you feel and give examples of situations where you feel constricted.

2. Claiming your own space does not mean rejection

Clingy partners can feel rejected if you take more space for yourself. Make it clear that you love the other person and enjoy being with them.

3. The cingling partner may declare himself

What are the motives or causes of clinging? Where does this great need for closeness come from? The clinging person can also comment on this and explain their view of things and needs – without being judged. Remember: both have the same rights.

4. Find a solution together

Are there solutions that work for both? What compromises and alternatives are needed here?

For example: He wants to watch soccer with friends every Saturday evening, she stays at home alone. One possibility would be that he only goes to his friends’ every two weeks, the other weekend they both go out together OR the partners of the soccer friends also meet up and do something together while the men pursue their hobby.

This is just a, I know, very clichéd example. Be creative!

5. plan time together

If the clinging partner receives too little attention, they will feel rejected and hurt. You can therefore pick up a planner and schedule time together. This will make the clinging partner feel valued, know that their needs are being met and you can both look forward to spending time together.

Ultimately, it’s not about stopping seeking closeness but, as with so many things in life, finding and living the balance between “what’s too little, what’s too much”.

And my dears,
thank you so much for reading!

I wish you all the best too,
your Runar